Chelsea Market Moment

Today Giuliani said there wasn’t a second Russian meeting, but there if there was a second meeting, it was FINE.

And later that same day, I walked by a guy with a cart full of gourmet jams and jellies and Angostura bitters he was apparently supposed to reshelve, and he was explaining to a customer, “…that’s how I know we are just part of a big combustion engine. There was the Big Bang and now the piston is just moving and we all exist in the moments between two sparks in a combustion engine. I learned this when I did mushrooms and now it all makes sense.”

I was wearing my Dark Tower t-shirt, so I thought, “Or maybe we are just an atom on a purple blade of grass? But sure, a combustion engine makes sense at this point.”

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I’m An Artist Now, So…

I’m now making visual art instead of Kirstie Alley-based word art. I make pastel pet portraits and also other kinds of fun art if you don’t have a pet. Visit my Etsy shop, ye mighty, and despair!

Custom Pastel Pet Portrait by Davis McDavis

Flames On The Side Of My Face Madeleline Kahn portrait

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The Emperor’s New Tweet

So off went the Emperor in procession under his splendid canopy. Everyone in the streets and the windows said, “Oh, how fine are the Emperor’s new clothes! Don’t they fit his 239-pound body to perfection? And see his long train! He definitely didn’t fire Comey because of Russia!” Nobody would confess that he couldn’t see anything, for that would prove him either unfit for his position, or a fool. No costume the Emperor had worn before was ever such a complete success, even that one where he finally got the tie the right length.

“But he told Lester Holt he fired Comey because of Russia!” a little child said. “It’s on tape! We all watched it!”

“Did you ever hear such innocent prattle?” said its father. And one person whispered to another what the child had said, “He did say on tape. It was on the national news. How delusional can we be before our heads split open and the stupid runs out?” The townspeople thought quickly.

“But Hillary something something emails Benghazi!” the whole town cried out at last. “We love the smell of your farts, Emperor Trump! The little child was undocumented so we turned her in to ICE! We are all safe now!”

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The Emperor gloated, for he knew they were right. He knew his farts smelled really good. He was also attractive, smart, not bald and not orange. “This procession has got to go on – and let’s add some tanks and troops to make it real military parade!” So he walked more proudly than ever, the sweat on his man-boobs glistening in the sun as his noblemen held high the train that wasn’t there at all.

 

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I’ve Been Doing Other Things

You know, it was just Labor Day so I was thinking about Kirstie Alley. Were you? Anyway this other blogger blogged about my dog portraits, which is what I’m doing instead of blogging.

http://www.urbandognyc.com/art/pet-portraits/

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American Horror Story: Trump

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The Babadook For Trump

babadook-sign-frontbabadook-sign-back

I’ve been honing my Photoshop skills lately and decided I wanted to make a sign for my Hallowe’en costume. I might carry it around and then again it might be annoying so who knows, but I had tons of fun making it. It’s terribly exciting to be able to make these things when I’d only been using Microsoft Paint before. All you could do with that is cut and paste, basically, but with Photoshop you can do so much more. As you can see from the above I’ve been going crazy with drop shadows. You can put them on anything!

After doing that I realized the first one could work as a yard sign, so I reconfigured it and it’s now available in the O, The Oprah Religion Store. I also made it into a t-shirt.

 

 

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Sorry, Madame, But It Appears We Differ Greatly In Our Definition Of “Romantic”

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I was thinking of famous-ish Internet Crazy Person Mary Romantic, and her complicated phone process interview process. Remember her? At first she was on AOL but then moved to http://www.MaryRomantic.com [which is now something else, and Japanese] to spread her unique blend of insanity and pre-Tinder Internet dating. I found the original site on the Internet Archive, preserved for future generations to gaze upon and despair. I wonder if anyone ever managed to get through her interview process?
 
“After you send me the exact e-mail I request above, and if it will be at all possible for me to call you at the time you suggest in your e-mail, I’ll reply with an e-mail confirming that I’ll be calling you at the time you suggested.
 
If you haven’t received that e-mail confirmation from me ahead of the time you suggested, check your incoming e-mail just before the time you suggested I call, in case my confirmation is in your inbox. If my e-mail confirmation is in your mailbox even just before the time you suggested I call, it will be your responsibility to open that e-mail confirmation, regard the time you suggested as a firm phone appointment, and be available to receive that call from me. If you aren’t available to accept that call, for any reason, you’ll forfeit any further chance to get to know me, no exceptions.”
 
Sounds like ROMANCE to me!
 
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